Friday, 3 June 2016

The Cutest Boy In KS1

Oh, well look at that, turns out I'm not dead.

Siobhan ( pronounced Shi-vawn, because I know y'all are probably like, the hell?!) was the cutest Jewish boy in my year. Granted, he was probably the only Jewish boy in my year. And now that I think about it, he might not have actually been Jewish. In fact the only true distinction I can actually make is that he was definitely was not Jamaican. That and that he certainly wasn't a Jehovah's witness. But he was cute man. Dare I say it, even cuter than my younger self. And I had cheeks for days guys. One of my most prominent memories of him however, and simply for its sheer ridiculousness, was during that one particular break time. 

In my younger more careless days (I was five, of course I was careless Stella. You Pollycock.) I was a wild child. (I occasionally stole counting pebbles from the tubs when no one was looking.) I was so wild in fact that I wore lipstick once and managed to go the whole day convincing people it was my natural lip color. I didn't. None of them actually believed me. But I maintain the statement because, dreams dammit!!! My wildest endeavor though? Well that was when I tried to kiss him. 

You see, Siobhan was a Caucasian dream boat. Now, he wasn't Troy Bolton material, oh no. But the boy had game. And by game I mean the ability to drink milk from a milk carton without the entire contents somehow ending up on his jumper as apposed to in his mouth. We were five. It was a feat. So it's easy to see why I had a soft pot for the guy. But why I tried to kiss him though, I will never know. Oh the wound! The wound, my friend, is still raw. But I'll bullet point it.

  • Break time.
  • I of course was looking popping in my blue cardigan. The blue bringing out the brownness of my beautifully vaselined skin.
  • He was looking lit in a blue jumper and black trousers.
  • The interactive whiteboard was on and he watched while I stared at the side of his face for way too long.
  • And whilst we both sat cross legged and suffering from major carpet burn, Siobhan still blissfully unaware of my staring, I leaned in.
  • I think I headbutted him.
  • I think he cried.