I think my biggest fear in life is that I won't be remembered for anything.
To go through life without impacting the lives of others.
Is there anything as tragic as that?
At some point you've got to learn that the things you do in high school: the embarrassing moments, the fall outs, the people you met or didn't meet; probably won't matter at all once you leave. Chances are that you might not keep your friends either. Not everyone's worth trying for.
And the way you felt that Monday afternoon when it felt like no one really liked you probably won't matter. Neither will the moments when you felt like you just weren't smart enough. Or felt like trying. The questions you answered in class won't matter because who in their right mind could ever care so much as to remember such a small thing. And the way you felt answering them won't. Even if for a split second you felt like the smartest person alive.
Maybe just maybe you'll forget about the sleepless nights and fights with yourself.The days spent deliberating what to say and how to act just so you'd feel accepted. Because not even the things people say to you will matter. Nor will the crushes or how bad you were at basketball. Or how bad you were at basketball in front of your crush. Let's face it, he still doesn't know you exist, let alone care enough to remember how crap you were at basketball two summers ago.
And perhaps nothing will really matter. Not the Spanish lessons. Not the awkward encounters or how many times you've been pushed or trodden on. And it's probably not going to matter about the amount of times you've cried or wished that you were invisible. It might not even matter about the time that 11 year old harassed you on your way to the bus stop and how close you were to whooping her ass. Believe it or not, the people you bumped into won't matter either. No matter how outrageous their reaction was.
Maybe in the end a lot of things won't matter. But the person we become sure as hell does and there's no denying that. So in other words, just don't be an arse.
I think one of the greatest things about high school whilst you're there- and trust me there are very few- has to be the people you meet. Sure they probably won't matter down the line, but for the brief period of time that they do, they really do. Don't get me wrong, your guaranteed to meet a few douche canoes from time to time, (or maybe almost all the time) but at some point you're bound to stumble upon someone amazing.
And it's all about finding yourself, right? Finding the person you are: the things you like, dislike , loathe. Building the person you are or more rather breaking your spirit and grinding your confidence to a pulp. I kid. But in all honesty I still don't know who the heck I am. Of course you could argue that I've still got 2 years left, but nothing really changes the fact that I am an ever evolving, complex mesh of cells. For goodness sake I change my mind on an hourly basis let alone daily. I I won't find myself in high school. I'll find certain aspects of myself, but I sure as hell won't ever be able to find myself fully. And that's cool with me. I'm kind of winging it, and although I'd like to think that I know what I'm doing, I do not. I wish I did. It'd sure make it easier. God, it'd make it so much easier. But if all the year were playing holidays, to sport would be as tedious as to work. Wouldn't it?