Friday, 30 October 2015

Perhaps We Should Keep Assuming That I've Written Something Logical Here

You know, if you think about it, humans are really rather awesome?
Except for Pedro. I hate Pedro. Pedro ruins everything. 
SCREW YOU PEDRO... AMATEUR!!!!



 Halloween is kind of like that one person in your class that you don't necessarily like or wish to ever hold a conversation with, but still have to act civil towards. Civil in this case means anxiously switching off all of the lights and praying that people don't acknowledge the existence of your house.

 Halloween to me generally, consists of  hurriedly scurrying across the room at unnatural angles to avoid my shadow being seen by trick-or-treaters and maintaining complete silence for the entire duration of the night.  However, I think it's safe to say that 50 percent of the time I fail miserably and end up lying on the floor in some contorted position trying to shuffle my way across the room in complete darkness. And if you were ever wondering exactly how long it takes a 5 foot child to shuffle across approximately 2.5 meters of wood flooring at an unbelievably fast pace, it's 30 seconds. 30 seconds minus the time she takes to contemplate how stupid she's being, if there's any snacks in the cupboard, how dirty the floor is and how exactly she can shuffle that fast despite being the slowest person in her P.E class.

It's kind of like how I avoid the postman. Except with him I like to think that we have an understanding.  He knocks. I hurriedly sprint up the stairs and wait a while whilst he grows progressively impatient. Then eventually he finds a way to post the mail. It's a codependent relationship but he's fine with it. Probably.

And I guess what you can take from all of this is that people just need to stop expecting me to answer the door or act in a rational way towards postmen.

In the past week or so I've:
Drunk 7 cups of tea. Consumed multiple plantain chips. Drafted one post. Stolen a turtle. Attended parents evening. Watched a 30 second fight from a far. Refused to risk my life crossing a busy road to witness the fight up close. Added Mindy Kaling's new(ish) book to my wishlist. Dropped two orange slices. Tried to catch two orange slices. Clung to the walls of school corridors. Almost got hit by a glue stick. Watched almost all of charlieissocoollike's YouTube videos. Contemplated home schooling. Received a lecture from my mama. Stopped contemplating homeschooling. Bought some songs. Stalked Instagram. Eaten a small piece of southern fried chicken and tried to convince my self that I wasn't hurt by the portion size. Sat through a long assembly. Obsessed over Adele's new song. Attempted a 12 mark sociology question and lost all faith in myself. Learnt how to calculate the equation of a line perpendicular to another. Borrowed a science book. Lost all ability to construct a sentence momentarily. Watched my English teacher dad dance to a 1930s song. Learnt about Of Mice And Men and why not to let Lennie tend rabbits. Fried some plantains. Had my ears graced by beautiful song renditions whilst sat in my business class. Cried a little. Wondered how easy it would be to move to America and start a talk show, and bought a rubber.


That's pretty much it.

5 comments:

  1. Hahaha this is great! Happy Halloween :)

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  2. HA!!5 foot😂😂😂

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  3. Hey Stella. It's Lilli. Love the blog.
    Love the consistency of it. And remembering Mr Smith dancing brings back fun memories, does it not?
    (please don't read my blog. itll save me from the embarrassment.)

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    Replies
    1. Well now I have to read it. Send me the link. It can't be as embarrassing as I am a friend.

      Delete
    2. Well now I have to read it. Send me the link. It can't be as embarrassing as I am a friend.

      Delete