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Wednesday, 30 September 2015

What Do You Mean? ( What I Say At School VS What I Mean)

It's just a false manifestation of our dreams, based on cultural and corporate influences originating from the time of our primitive ancestors. 

I feel as if starting my posts with some nonsensical ramblings really sets the atmosphere for the rest of the post. I assure you that no matter how many times you try and re-read that sentence, it will never make any sense.

I'm a slightly...moderately...extremely passive aggressive person in the sense that I generally don't always say what I mean when I'm in school. That's about 5678937743 hours a week if we do the maths correctly. It goes without saying that I should probably stop, but if were being realistic here, we know that's not going to happen.  For one, I'm an extremely lazy person and for two I plan on harnessing the power of the sun really soon and I have no time to sort out trivial issues like this right now. So instead of doing the logical thing and changing my ways, I thought I'd make a little reference guide to aid you in the process of deciphering what I truly mean when I say something at school. You are truly welcome.

Perhaps if we all put our tutus on and join hands we could all spend our lives blissfully unaware of how much we hate each other.

1) I'm fine -I wonder how long it would take to ruin you all.

2) I'm not angry- I'm ashy, I'm hungry and I'm seriously contemplating throwing this book at you. You do not want to mess with me!

3) That was funny - Hahahaha, blatant disrespect. You're hilarious.

4) Yes - I really wanted to say no.

5) You're being a douche- My mum said it's bad to use cuss words; so I shall refrain.

6) Shhhh- I give you three seconds. 3 seconds before I pinpoint every single stupid thing you're doing right now.


7) Guys stop talking- 
You know, minus the chorus of "oohs"?

8) I don't care - I dare you to try me right now. Try me!! I know a guy who can turn you into a chicken.

9) No, sorry I don't know the answer- I know the answer. We both know I know the answer here, but remember that time you were being an idiot? Well this is payback fool!!!

10) No I don't have gum- I have gum. I like gum. I want to keep my gum. You're a problem here!

11) Thank you- I'm not sure if that was a compliment or not.

12) You're being stupid- Lord bless your ignorant soul.

13) He's cute- I'm going to pretend I don't like him so you can't tease me about it, but internally I'm slowly dying.

14) It's okay, don't be upset-
I'm not the person to go to when you're upset. I'm no help.

15) She's so pretty- How is it legal for her to be that pretty??!! She's like 11.

16) I'm sorry - Again!!! I stood on your toes Again!

17) Oh yeah, I've heard that song- Note to self: watch that video that goes lalalal *mumble* yeah, yeah ooooh.
(I am not the only one who types random lyrics in YouTube hoping for the song to pop up.)

18) Sorry I can't help you, I haven't done yet- I could help you. I really could, but we both know you're about to copy exactly everything I've just written down, so let's pretend I haven't finished it yet.

19) I'm not really good at this - I'm being self deprecating just in case I'm crap at this and I won't have to listen to you tell me about it.

20) Shewotengbuyeourate- I feel like everything just got really boring all of a sudden. Someone please make a joke.

21) Sure I can get you the sheet- I thought you had legs.

22) REPENT REPENT ( Directed at any child who finds it necessary to slowly walk in front of me as I try to navigate my way to the next class without being late.) - Child of  Earth remove yourself from my path before I tread on your feet.

I'm debating whether or not I should print this off and hand it out at school. It seems like a reasonable idea to me.

Thank you all for reading and make sure to bombard me with questions in the comments so I can answer them in a Tuffin Talks( like a coffee shop conversation but way better- and a little less social) session some time this month.

Weziwoweotengbueeya (I'm creating a new language guys. This means bye.)

2 comments:

  1. Hahahah the "he's cute" one is everybody :')

    -M
    The Life of Little Me

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Agreed. I've never met someone who's openly told me they really like a guy.

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