Tuesday, 8 September 2015

A Letter To High School Students: You're The 99th Problem

I officially hate you all.

Dear student,

I think it's necessary that we establish the extent of which my hatred to you spans. I hate you. I hate you more than extortionately priced melted ice cream on a hot summers day. I hate you more than fire breathing spiders and ninja bonobo monkeys. You are the root cause to my gradual insanity. You're like nails on a memory foam mattress or a killer robot among miniature puppies. I really do hate you. You probably hate me to and it's cool. I want you to know that the feeling's totally mutual. I've realised that I've never really hated high school. In fact I have no issues whatsoever with high school. My problem, fellow student, is you.

There are approximately 5 reasons as to why I hate you and secretly hope I'll never see your face again:

1) Let's be frank here. You're an arse. A cold hearted, insensitive jerk of a human being. You like picking on people and making them feel small. You get a kick out of belittling and disrespecting teachers. You find it amusing laughing at people and toying with their feelings and self esteem. You like being intimidating and ruining people's educations, You don't care if you're the one thing stopping someone from that potential A grade. That's okay though. As long as you're fine no one else matters.

2) You've developed this strange sort of disease that completely inhibits your ability to shut up. You're the talkative one. The one in the middle of the class that can't seem to make the distinction between silence and a complete invasion of human peace. You're the one who thinks it's necessary to raise your voice in class for no apparent reason. You're the one who just can't seem to understand that screaming across the classroom to talk to your friends is a douchey move.

3) You've somehow managed to assume that everyone likes you and that you have the right to constantly interrupt lessons. It's totally fine to start an argument with the teacher halfway through a clearly important maths lesson and it's totally acceptable to click your fingers at the teacher like they were hired to be at your beck and call. It's completely fine to talk to people like dirt and then assume that you're worthy of receiving the highest levels of respect. You, my irritating class mate, need to stop.

4) You're a judgmental, superficial and materialistic being. You like to talk about how others look and the things they wear and own. You won't sit next to someone because they're not in your friendship group and not worthy of being in your presence apparently. You like to talk about the way people act and judge them based solely on their appearance. Personality and smarts mean nothing to you, it's all about popularity and looks. You are the reason why others feel like they need to change themselves. You're the person that feels like it's okay to generalise people and it's really not.

5) You're the stampede starter, the corridor shover and the pencil thrower. You are the intentional human safety hazard. The person who thinks it's fine to lob a book across the classroom and squirt water all over another student.You need to stop. You're the reason why the corridors and classrooms are never a safe place.

If you're all of these things combined, I truly feel as if there is no place for you in a place such as high school. You're possibly a threat to human civilization and need to get your act together. I pray for your soul.

Yours sincerely Stella.
That one girl in your school that you've probably shoved in the corridor.


  1. Come on Stella we both know who inspired you to write this *cough**cough* tayyab (your future prom date )😂

    1. HUSH CHILD!!!!!
      Lol, I haven't based it on him solely, there are a lot of jerks in high school. This is like 2 years worth of hatred in one post so i'm basing it on about 60 percent of students.
      And he is not my future prom dateeeeeee!!!!!!!!!

    2. Hmmmmm sure he's not , you keep telling yourself that 😉😉

  2. Well this is too accurate. I hate the pretentious people who think they're too good for others, and I hate it when people enjoy belittling others because of their own insecurity, and I hate it when people are rude in the corridors, or talk really loudly in class at the wrong times, or are disrespectful, or annoying, and sometimes I hate people for just being there.

    The Life of Little Me

    1. PREACH!! I feel you M. It's so irritating.

  3. Damn.
    This is so snarky and so on point! I was literally laughing my head off and at the same time, I was nodding: Yes, yes, yes. I HAVE SEEN SUCH A PERSON IN MY LIFE!
    Stay awesome as ever,
    Much love,
    Archie <3

    1. Lol, your reaction is the funniest thing ever. Thank you Archie.

  4. This is so hilarious! I'm seriously tempted to print this out and stick into my high school's bathroom. Snark level 99. Go you! xx

    1. The temptation is real, but you know that moment when your trying to make a point and you spell something totally wrong such as piece instead of peace. I think that would have totally ruined the snark I was going for. Lol. Thank you.
      *Hurriedly changes spelling mistake and laughs awkwardly*