Thursday, 20 August 2015

Star Girl's Declassified High School Survival Guide: High School Essentials

A post to High School Jerks

There are approximately 5 ways in which you can avoid High School:

1) Claim you're a turtle.
2) Migrate to Africa and start a new life breeding giraffes.
3) Become one with nature and live in the woods
4) Become a Siamese cat.
5) Somehow harness the power of the sun in order to become an autotrophic feeder and live among other photosynthesizing plants.

If by some weird turn of events you cant accomplish these, then just like most of the teen population, you're going to have to go to school. If I'm being totally honest, school is hard, but sometimes the right school supplies can make the difference between a good learner and a bad one. So without further ado, now commences my list of High School essentials- the ultimate guide to everything you need for High School (in order not to be a total jerk).

1) In order to be fully prepped for any school day you're going to have to start with a backpack.
I suggest the brand 'Respect' because it stops you from being a totally disrespectful and insensitive student. The bags come with a filter to drain out the stupid and hurtful things you shouldn't say.

2) Once you've  acquired a backpack, you're going to need a pencil case. I suggest you fill this pencil case with a piece of humble pie. I mean pens and pencils are cool too but if you're ego is bigger than a growing whale you may really need the pie.

3) Now you need a water bottle. Why? To satisfy that thirst for attention you  may constantly have. Fill this bottle with self empowerment because you are a strong, (slightly) independent student and you shouldn't need the validation of others to feel good about yourself.

4) Purchase yourself some crayons, and colour out the shade you throw at others. Crayons, also known as attitude deterrents, prevent you from acting in a way that brings other down.

5) Get a calculator, preferably the Texas TI Resilience. The one calculator that knows when your slacking and not giving it your all and does its best to inspire you to try.

6) Acquire scissors, one of the most important school supplies. Snip away at those misconceptions and presumptions about the people you're surrounded with.

7) Always get highlighters, they point out those things that matter the most and lead you to the things of most importance, such as your education, family and how you see yourself.

8) Always buy a planner,  it's possibly the most important essential in this list. With a planner you can both organize your life and plan out how not to make a ruckus in class. A planner is like a remote control, it helps you easily control your life and if you're one of those people who never shuts up in class, I suggest you  use that remote and mute the TV that is your mouth.

That people, is a list of 8 High School essentials to guarantee your academic success. I wish you luck.

12 comments:

  1. I tried my best to convince my parents that I have been transformed into a turtle, but alas, I will be going to school again this year.
    This is perfect, I cant stop laughing and #3 is brilliant

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    1. It's just so hard, why do parents just not understand? It's ridiculous lol. Thank you.

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  2. I had nearly harnessed the power of the sun but I was too late, school had started and my Biology teacher was slightly offended

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    1. Teach me your ways!!!!!
      I think your biology teacher should be proud, you're putting your knowledge to use in the practical world.

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  3. Alas, I tried running away to the woods but you know, the woods get dark at night and that's scary. Well, I guess school it is.

    ~Noor

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    Replies
    1. I feel ya. I suppose it is then Noor. *Cries in distressed Mexican*

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  4. I had the choice between school and becoming a Siamese cat. And now I live in a lovely cat shelter. No more maths - whoop whoop!

    But seriously, great post! <3

    - www.whatlexieloves.blogspot.com

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    Replies
    1. How I envy you Lexie. *sigh*
      Thank you.

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  5. I just got on the plane to Africa, but then because of a storm, the flight was cancelled.

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    Replies
    1. Dang it, you were so close. Perhaps try and grow wings, then no storm can stop you my friend. Fly girl fly!!!

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  6. Your light, humorous blog posts always put a smile on my face. I love this list!:)

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Devanshi, that makes me so happy. Aww shucks!

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