Saturday, 1 August 2015

Don't Swim With Sharks

Warning:this post contains the nonsensical ramblings of a  13 yearold oreo fanatic and has no structure whatsoever. 
Let's just chat guys.

Don't Swim With Sharks...
...or any vicious gigantic sea creature at that. Or a moderately large seemingly calm turtle... you know what just don't swim. But I suppose if you really wanted to (we're talking an excruciating internal desire here) a swimming pool's okay, there's much less of a chance that you'll get mauled by marine life. I mean the possibility is still there, but it's dropped by at least 21%. A 21% decrease in terms of I'm not going to be swallowed whole by a terrifying sea beast, means you're pretty safe.

Pretty safe.
However if the shark happens to be wearing a blonde wig, high heels, and carries a Gucci purse full of 1 pence coins, I strongly urge you to run. I mean swim... I think. Either way just get out of there. There's a very large possibility that that shark may be on opium and could start throwing punches at any minute.

I have no idea where exactly this post is going. If someone has an idea please tell me. Please. Somehow I've gone from what seems to be quite obvious advice to drugged up sharks wearing blonde wigs. Which honestly doesn't sound that strange considering all the other alternative routes this post could have gone. We could have ended up talking about the time I was offered to a dog (because obviously roman sacrifices never really died out) which isn't relevant at all. Then again, when have Gucci bearing sharks ever been relevant to anything.

I'm pretty much the only person in the world who's ever written in there bucket list that a) they want too run up to someone and tell them "Jeffery we made it" b) work up the courage to walk into Victoria's Secret and c) go to Starbucks. How is Starbucks going to help me live my my life to the fullest? I think the scariest thing is that I also wrote that I wanted the word 'fetch' written on my hand for a day. I don't understand what that was mean't to accomplish. That's not the scariest thing though. There's a paragraph in my old diary( that's where my bucket list lives, hopefully never to be seen again) that reads:

'It's not the antisocial behavior that consists of peeing on street signs and jumping on police cars or shoving people into roads and pushing them into ditches or hitting people with fish and stomping on their toes and stealing children's dolls and raiding confectionery stores.'

I'm not even sure what I was on about. Does that not worry anyone? I can't tell if it's humor or not, not even from the context around it.

Recently it seems that I've developed an unhealthy obsession for Shawn Mendes songs and it's taking over my life, for real. You know how the song you love the most is probably the one you listen to the most; well it's probably a major issue if you constantly play that same song on loop for the entire day and can still recall and recite the lyrics perfectly in your sleep.

I think that's pretty much it. On a scale of 1 to 10, how weird did this post get? I'm thinking it's at least a 17.
If you want to read more of my rambling click here and I hope you enjoyed this post. Have an amazing day and stay fabulous.

I'm out.


  1. Oh man, that song! X'D That was so funny!

    Confess: half my socks have holes in them and I never feel bad about it.

    The sharks. :D Yes, 21% is significantly large. Always depend on that 21%, unless of course there are sharks in blonde wigs around. Question: what about the sharks posing as brunettes? Are they less dangerous?

  2. Wow! You're hilarious! X"D

    And, yes, I think i'll avoid swimming with sharks, or any giant, vicious sea creature, for that matter.