Wednesday, 26 August 2015

Beware Of The Cupcake Seller

Origin


Starting a school business has to be one of the hardest things out there. In terms of difficulty it ranks just above wrestling a vexed chimpanzee and slightly lower than finding the remains of the once flourishing species of feather boa wearing decapricornettes ( don't question their existence).

The probability that your business will flop terribly within the first two weeks is seriously high, and so you may need to resort to other tactics:

You could battle against the competition; throw roaches in their produce and claim there's a serious infestation. Maybe lay a piece of moldy cheese somewhere near there main selling spot to put of their potential customers. You could sell a section of your upper right ventricle and half a toe to make a little profit. You could also claim you're the long lost child of Kevin Hart and demand he adopt you, then secretly run away with as many things from his house that you can carry. Or you could just do what one of my classmates suggests and attack people with cupcakes then raid their pockets for notes and loose change. This, although rather insane could be one of the best ideas I've hear in quite a while. I mean it's possibly highly illegal and ethically wrong but hey, a girls gotta make a profit.

Then again you could take a more passive aggressive approach and stare at people as they walk by your cupcake stall: your posture suggesting you're a kind-hearted and loving being but your eyes reading, "I will violently ruffle your hair and jump you if you don't purchase a cupcake from me." But whatever approach you take, turning 5 pound ( approximately $8) into a profitable business is undeniably hard. It takes both excellent time managing skills and the ability to not creep out other beings. Both of these things I clearly can not do.

Nevertheless, I've somehow managed to make a profit. It's still the first week and it's not that much profit, but it's profit and that is hopefully a reflection of how the next 4 weeks will go down. Otherwise I may have to resort to selling that half a toe and I do like my toes.

I'm not so much a fan of high school students though, although they are my only customer base. But if anyone is ever to ask me about that, I'll deny it a million times and bite them. Again, it may be ethically wrong but it gives me a solid 5 minutes to run as they contemplate whether or not I'm a developing cannibal. Or better yet, I might just start blabbering on about politics and demographics and taxes. "Extortionate I say, extortionate. What is the tax?... extortionate, that is absolutely ridiculous!" ( The exact words from the mouth of a customer, who despite the 40 second ramble eventually ended up purchasing two cupcakes.)

I'm certain by the end of this block I'll end up hating cupcakes, but it's okay. Just promise me though, that if I don't make enough profit you'll send me an iguana and some loose change. I'll be moving to Mexico, changing my name to Benedro Alejandro and running an unauthorized iguana breeding business in the winding alleyways of Mexico City. I'll be the 5 foot man in the corner, wearing a sombrero, a plaid shirt and some Crocs.

3 comments:

  1. This post is the weirdest post I've read in a long time, but it definitely made me chuckle haha :'') I love cupcakes, so you wouldn't need much time to convince me to buy one. I can't eat them as I have diabetes, but as long as they're nicely decorated I couldn't resist buying one. xxx

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    1. I've heard my humor is like a newly purchased shoe, you just gotta let it break in a little. lol thank you. I'd have to admit that the cupcakes might have looked like a 3 year old badger decided it'd try it's luck with a piping bag, pink icing and mini smarties. sooo.....

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  2. This post was fabulous!! I'm having a Blogger Choice Awards and I'd love for you to check it out! It's your choice though :)

    Rukiya XX

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