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Thursday, 7 May 2015

The Teenage Years

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere



I want to skip to the part where I own a house and get a good job. I know I've got a couple years to get through first and here's how it's all going to go down.

The teenage years:

At age 14 I'm going to go slightly insane and loose all faith in the human race. I'll then convert to unicornism and change my name to Zuzu. I'll start sporting neon dreadlocks and begin handing out help leaflets at my school. I will then proceed to create The List. A document noting the names of people that I despise.

At age 15 I'm going to run a travelling circus and start openly addressing people at my school on how they should stop being so stuck up and rude. I'll then proceed to change my name to the RYSCD (the reasonable yet sometimes cynical destroyer), in an attempt to induce fear in those of whom have made it on The List.

At age 16 I'm going to break under the pressure of exams and start wondering the streets in search of guidance and reasonably priced ice cream. I'll start hiding in post boxes and asking pigeons for their feathers. I'll hopefully develop a sense of style whilst I'm at it.

At age 17 I'll throw petals in the school corridors, dance in the classrooms, eat KFC in the lunch hall and finally tell everyone what I've really been thinking these past 5 years. It will be at this moment that I realize I still have 2 more years at this school.

At age 18 I'll begin a book series detailing the trials and tribulations of my life, I'll force school students to sit through hourly sessions of my book readings. I'll then agressivley throw books at them until they begin to pick them up and leave money in the donation boxes provided. It's a passive agressive approach.

At age 19 I'll get a job and refuse to learn how to drive (the prospect of it just frightens me). My pet squirrel Arnold will chauffeur me around in his car. 

At age 20 the teenage years will finally be over and I'll store away The List.

And yes, Arnold is a magical squirrel. How else can I fit into his teeny tiny acorn car?

Thank you for reading y'all, I hope you enjoyed and I'd love it if you could tell me what you think in the comments. I know I've been posting a lot of humor and as much as I enjoy writing it and coming up with wacky ideas for new witty posts, I think I'd like to add a little variation. So expect a little more descriptive and nostalgic pieces.


I'm out.

10 comments:

  1. Hey who told you about unicornism?That was supposed to be a secret o.O
    This was hilarious xD

    Neal Kind
    Daily Diaries

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    1. It's only disclosed to members of an elite circle of unicorns but I heard it through Arnold one day after visiting a conference... can you tell I don't know where I'm going with this comment Neal? Lol thank you.

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    2. Arnold must be joking.. *Hides away any proof such a circle exists*
      Are you sure you heard right? *Sends out cryptic message to unicorn telling that the secret is out*

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    3. He must be. He's been trying out this new chestnut shake and It's probably made him delusional. Although he seemed rather adamant. He's been missing for a few weeks now though. I wonder why?

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  2. This is hilarious! I love your posts. :)

    Just take it a day at a time. We all want to go somewhere. But sometimes we get there and realize that the only place we want to go is back. :P Besides the journey is what makes it worth getting there, right?

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    Replies
    1. Thank you Ashley :) I think that's something I'm gradually going to need to learn to work on, the whole one day at a time thing. Recently I've built up this slight preoccupation with the future and wanting to get there soon. But the journey is certainly what makes it worth getting there and I'm going to try enjoy it.You know before I'm 60 and I've turned into that crazy psycho woman, telling tales to cats about my childhood and embarrassing moments.

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  3. Interesting. My only plan is to get published, but that fantasy has been on a break for the last two months. :/ We'll have to see!

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  4. This is hilarious, but I love that there's a deeper message hiding in it. You're going to go far!

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  5. you have such a gift for humor! :D i must say, as a teenager, this seems like a pretty accurate representation. ;)

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  6. Lovely! Have a nice friday sweetie!

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